Monday, 3:36PM

My flight was scheduled for 5:45. You know how things tend to pile up right before you are going to a long trip?  This was one of those days. I hurriedly closed my laptop and drove home as fast as I could, possibly went through some red lights along the way ( I neither confirm or deny this. ) I walked into our kitchen from the side door to  Jackson having a full meltdown right after he woke up from his nap ( I think Winny woke him up so he can hug me goodbye. ) Winny was crying, saying how much she’s going to miss me while I’m gone. It looked like a hurricane (named Jackson) just passed through my home.  I hadn’t even packed. “Go pack your stuff babe, I’ll take care of him.”  That’s what she said. Can I just say how much I love my wife? She’s the reason I do the many things I do.

I jammed all the equipment I could fit into my backpack, gave my wife and son a kiss, and drove away to the airport as fast as I could.  I was flying to Memphis. I was going the Genesis Workshop.

Every one of us has a subject of interest. For some of us it might be business/finance. For some others it’s music. Now imagine a collection of experts in your subject of interest gathering together to help YOU get better at the thing you love to do. That’s what this workshop was to me.  Jeff & Melanie Mansfield. Tony Hoffer. Sam Hassas. Ed Pingol. Evan Baines. These are the people who inspire me every day. These are the people who influenced everything about my photography. These are the people who through their work motivate me like no one else. These people are the reason I went to Genesis.

Monday, 10:47PM

Memphis, Tennessee. I was sitting inside a minivan with a stranger as Roy, our driver, gave out random factoids about Memphis. I found out  the stranger next to me came to Memphis for a residency interview. He was asking all kinds of weird questions, including “What is the demographic breakdown of the city” and “Is it safe for me to walk around downtown.”  I arrived at our hotel, the Springhill Suites, right at Downtown. The guy at the front desk gave me a long, weird look when I told him I’m coming for room 608. “Then WHO is James Heine??” he suspiciously asked. Well, that would be Jim, my roomate during the workshop, and one of the many new amazing friends I met there.

Speaking of friends. I made a lot of friends during my time there. And not just friends, photographer friends. Those don’t come around too often. To be honest, I never went into Genesis thinking that “hey, I’m looking forward to be making new friends!” But I couldn’t not to. Starting when I walked into my room and was warmly greeted by Jim, we immediately bonded over photography,  complemented each other’s work, shared war stories, and kinda unofficially made a pact to second shoot for each other. Then I logged in to Facebook and saw that everyone in the group was looking for me because I had stupidly misread my arrival time and was MIA for the meet-and-greet. The tone for the rest of the workshop was set. These guys are not my competitors, they are my colleagues. They are my friends. For the rest of the workshop I made darn sure that I popped into people’s conversations and introduced myself to as many people as I could ( for those of you who found me annoying, I’m sorry! for those who I didn’t approach and say ‘hi’ to, I’m sorry! I probably was scared of you. Or something. )

Tuesday,  9:00AM

It had officially started. All the instructors gathered up front and Mel officially welcomed everyone. Everyone was giddy and excited. “Where’s Farid?? Is he here??” Mel said. I came up, she gave me a hug, and proceeded to slap me upside the head for MIA-ing the meet and greet. I felt so special.

We immediately went into our on location instructor shoot-out, where all of the instructors were shooting our models all at the same time. Different instructors would take turn shooting a model in different locations. Let me just say this: to me, this was more than worth the price of admission already. To see these guys in their element, to understand how they think through a shot, to study how they masterfully craft a pose, to experience how they paint light into a scene, it was mind blowing on so many levels. No secrets. Nothing held back. The only thing I remember thinking was, “whoa.”

I vividly remember feeling completely overwhelmed.. “Man, that’s Sam freaking Hassas directing a couple right in front of my eyes. Wait, who’s that on the right??? Ed Pingol is about to blow everyone’s mind with his 2 off camera light setup. I better check it out!” That’s pretty much how it went all morning.

Wednesday,  7:00PM

We rushed back after cramping down our Gus’s Fried Chicken meal ( which was incredible, by the way. I mean,  Spicy fried chicken with a side of fried rice, spicy baked beans, and fried pickle? WIN.) The last session of the day was about to start – Tony Hoffer’s branding session. One of my many lofty goals coming into Genesis was like a page out of Dr. Phil’s episode – to find who I am. The session started and lots of thought-provoking information was shared. Then it happened. Shane Deringer, an amazing photographer from Canada and one of the nicest man you could ever meet, was asked if he was willing to be critiqued. He agreed, and the next few minutes was absolutely amazing. Shane was being completely open and vulnerable, sharing his vision as a photographer in front of everyone, as we all evaluated and helped him craft his ‘brand’. Wow.

I’ve always had a general idea about what kind of photographer I wanted to be, but I’ve never been absolutely certain. Coming out of this session, I felt like a fog has been lifted. I knew exactly who I am. I knew exactly what kind of images I want to make. Thank you Tony. Thank you Shane.

Wednesday, 11:50PM

I stumbled into Springhill Suites after a long, tiring day.  It was the end of our second day. 3 incredible sessions, many mind blowing moments, tons of tips and nuggets shared.  I was really hoping on catching up on sleep during the workshop but so far it had’t exactly been working out that way.  As I was waiting for the elevator I heard a little commotion.. there were  a handful of people from the workshop hanging out at the lobby. “Hey guys, what’s up?”  I asked. “Our session was kinda cut short with Ed and we’re doing an impromptu session tonight to finish up.”  Someone said. “Mind if I join??”

Over the next 2 HOURS, there in the dark corner of the breakfast area at Springhill Suites, Ed opened up to a bunch of strangers and shared a ridiculous amount of knowledge and tips on how he runs his business. The whole thing could have been a session on its own. I went from being super tired and sleepy all the way to completely wide awake when it was all said and done. That night I tossed and turned as everything I soaked up that day ran through my head. This is ridiculous. Ridiculously awesome!

Friday, 3:30AM

I was spent. Absolutely spent. Laying down on a bench at the nearly empty Memphis airport, and trying to close my eyes to catch a couple of hours of sleep before my flight. I started to doze off before the stupid PSA system jolted me with some announcement about reporting suspicious activities. Bah. We had just partied at a Karaoke bar and if I heard correctly the party continued on somewhere else, but I had a 6AM flight to catch so I decided to leave when I saw a taxi right outside the karaoke place. It was over. The three days that changed my career for the better was over.

If I have one regret about the workshop, it would be that I didn’t get to spend more time hanging out with everyone. There were some really, really amazing photographers attending the workshop whom I proudly call as colleague and friends because of Genesis. I just wish we would have more time to chat. Tony Hoffer puts it best on his recap: we photographers are often judged by the images we produce, but the reality is that our identity is found in the relationships we make along the way, and things that are much bigger than ourselves. Word, my man.

To Amy & Tony: Thanks for being such an inspiration for me this past couple of years. I admire you both as a couple as much as I admire your amazing talent and dedication to the industry. Thanks for shooting our family this summer and shared so many tricks a long the way. And thanks for introducing me to Genesis.

To Evan: Thanks for sharing your amazing well of knowledge so openly even though you were technically just a ‘guest’ speaker. In the few moments I spent with you I learned more about lighting and posing than I ever have in my entire career. Your session on photojournalism was immensely helpful and have already made an impact in how I shoot.

To Sam: Sam, if there would be an instructor I was most eager to hear speak it would be you, my friend. Your humor and enthusiasm was ridiculously infectious. I learned so, so much just from watching you interact  with your subjects, and you managed to blow my mind repeatedly during your rotation. Thank you for all the advice and encouragement you gave me to push forward with my career.

To Ed: Thanks for being so Bad-Ass. You are kinda a big deal, I heard.  Thanks for being so open in sharing the secret sauce to your amazingly bad-ass images. Thanks for reaffirming to me that it is OK to have fun as a photographer.

To Jeff & Mel: Thank you for making all of this happen. Thank you for sharing your heart and vision to all of us. Thank you for believing that family is more important than anything else money can buy. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for changing my career for the better.

To Keith Lee (MY BFF), Alison Lee, Katie MERKLE (my other BFF), Jim Heine (best roomate ever), Rick van der Valk, Amy Dale (if this photography thing doesn’t work you can always try american Idol),  Miguel Serrano,  Rob Laungayan, Quincy Adam, Shane Deringer, Jon-Mark Wiltshire, Jon Mold, Matt and Chera Yorke, Maura Moore, Todd Wilson, Zalmy B (the most bad-ass Rabbi I’ve ever met.),  Kyla Brown (HAVE FUN in Indonesia), Andrea Wood,  Mark Arnold, Michael Cauffman, Kory Chase and Erin Hanssen, Amy Oyler and Kate Miller, Lisa Rhinehart, Anabelle Dando, Pattrick O’Connor, Tamara Poppit, Michael Clay, Erin Hiltbrand,  Alisa Buckingham, Ryan Trinidad, Pat and Maricar Desiderio, Rafael and Veronica Badillo, Rebecca Eby, Cinthia Farabaugh, Brian & Sabrina Jodon, Alex Collevecchio, Twila Kolberg, and Alan Bushnell: I’M YOUR BIGGEST FAN.

To my fellow enchanted rainbows, thank you for a fun few days together.

To all my friends and colleagues that I met during the workshop, thank you for letting this weird asian dude join in the fun. You guys seriously rock.

I went to a workshop. It’s called Genesis. I learned stuff. I made friends. If you are a photographer you should go too. I’ll see you there.

I’d like to share a fun project I surprised her with. Thanks for checking it out!

“The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.”

It was the Fall of 2000, and I was basically a green, clueless freshman trying to find my way around campus on a country that at that time was foreign to me. Somewhere along the way that freshman year I met Timo & Christin, and we became friends. Christin was also good friends with my wife Winny (whom at the time I didn’t even meet yet)

These two weren’t only so mature beyond their years (and mine!), but pretty much took care of me throughout my freshman year and made sure that I was OK. Not to mention that these two were pretty much perfect for each other. As the semester went by, I grew to appreciate Christin’s motherly everything ( advices? cooking? encouragement? you name it.) and Timo’s positive outlook on life, his sense of humor, and above all his desire to serve the Lord. What a great couple.

To this day I still vividly remember that day in May 2001. That beautiful day both Timo & Christin graduated from college, and it was in front of our dining commons that I witness Timo, still robed in his cap, hood, & gown, went down on his knees and surprised Christine with a proposal in front of pretty much everyone around. The following year Timo came back and there in the chapel on of our school’s newly finished auditorium they were married. My wife Winny (we were just started dating back then) was one of Christin’s bridesmaids. That day was one of my fondest memories of my college years.

Years went by and we all grow separately with our own lives and both Winny & I have not seen them for many years. Timo took a pastorate job in Louisiana, and moved to Michigan to continue his education where they live right now. Somewhere along the way they have two of the cutest girls who can melt your heart, Hannah & Kyrene.

Last week Timo & Christin drove to Lancaster and visit our home. As Christin wrote in our guestbook, we hit it off again as if we’ve never been separated all these years. As we exchanged stories and repeated old jokes (mostly Timo) and memories from our college days I realize that these two are still one of the best friends I & Winny have. We may have grew separately, but we never grow apart.

Before they left, we took a quick trip to this beautiful lake close to our home for a quick shoot. It has been a dark, cold, and drizzly day, but having check the radar beforehand I knew there’s a chance that we might be dry, so I insisted.

We all walked toward the lake, when Hannah got all excited after seeing the water!

Kyrene was a little chilly..

Beautiful family!

Probably my favorite picture of the day.

We were having trouble getting Kyrene to pose! Must be my intimidating camera!

I know first hand how having children can greatly reduce the number of pictures of only you and your spouse… so we took a couple shots of just them two. Still as cute of a couple as ever!

Hannah & Kyrene LOVED the leaves!

The picture on the right is what is commonly known as the ‘classic’ Hannah pose.

Jackson wanted in on the action..

Saying bye bye to the lake..

.. and running back to the car to go to for our yummy Panera Bread dinner!

Timo & Christin, thank you so much for sharing your lives with us and being such wonderful mentors and source of encouragement. Surely we can work this thing out so that we can see each other a little more often than once every several years, no? Please? Move to PA?

It started with a couple of engagement sessions..

One at Baltimore with the fabulous Mark & Anne..

Then at Penn State, a very special place for a very special couple, Chris & Melissa..

Then it was a picture perfect wedding at a picture perfect day at Annapolis (no I didn’t photoshop those clouds. Those were REAL!)

Followed by a perfect wedding at the park…

And ended by an awesome orchestra shoot !

On June 4th, 1992, I followed my fathers’ helpers as they climbed up our roof to replace our own antennas. I remember climbing up the ladder to the attic.. seeing weird squares in front of me.. stepping into it, and falling into the floor from our 12th foot ceiling. Hit my head on the way down and subsequently lost consciousness.

I was diagnosed with  concussion and was bedridden for several weeks. It didn’t end there either, as I was medicated for years to come to control the headaches that I began to rather frequently suffer from. Since then I have also subconsciously developed a fear of height. I have been  up pretty high several times since, but its just not my favorite thing to do.  Even just by thinking about being up high I would get sweaty palms and feet!

Last night, 18 years later, I climbed up a ladder, sweaty palms and all, to install my very own antenna . It definitely makes our house looks ghetto, but I didn’t care. I was conquering my fear.

Numb. That was the feeling I felt as my eyes darted around the foyer and then up the stairs. Winny and Mega were sitting on the floor crying, and in my hand was a business card with a phone number written on it. “Saint Joseph Medical Center.” Yusnan was brought there. “Critical condition. Sorry, but that’s all I know,” the nice young policeman told me..

I nervously dialed the number and asked to speak with a doctor. “It’s OK. He was just in an accident. People recover from critical condition all the time,” I kept reassuring myself as I waited for the doctor at the other end of the line. He introduced himself. The few seconds felt like eternity, yet never did ‘death’ cross my mind. “How is his condition, doctor?” that’s the first thing I said. “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I have bad news.”

It felt like a lightning just hit. “NO.NO.NO” was all I could say as the doctor explained that Yusnan was already not breathing when they found him at the scene. “NO God. Not us. Not now. This is not supposed to happen.” Mega cried louder. I walked upstairs, sat next to them, and we cried.

1:30am

The quietness was deafening. John, my awesome neighbor and friend, was at the wheel. Mega sat alone at the back seat. Winny stayed home to be with Jackson. I felt my left arm slowly feeling numb, like I slept on it wrong or something. We were on our way to the hospital. John had began to explain what’s going to happen once we got there. He said there will probably be a policeman waiting for us there to explain what happened. The hospital was in a nice area in Towson. I kept wondering how far do we have yet, but I dread arriving there.

We finally arrived and it played out just like John had explained it would. They took us to a room where we met 2 policemen. They didn’t see the accident but they were the first at the scene. “Driver side accident.” the officer said. Probably took a turn too fast, fishtailed out of control, and overcompensate the other way. Crossed the other lane.

They took me & John to a room where Mega waited outside. There he was. His whole body was covered up. Never noticed he was that big before. The officer pulled a chair next to the bed. “Take as much time as you need,” he said as he walked out of the room. This can’t be real. I slowly revealed his face, and I broke down.

I cried like I never have. John cried. He prayed softly, asking for grace to be poured out for me. My brother is gone. It’s not supposed to happen like this. I tightly held his cold hand as I cried “WHY WHY WHY.”

We took Mega into the room. “Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked. She nodded purposely. She saw him for the first time. She held his hands. Touched his hair and kissed his forehead. She smiled and said, “He still smells like Yusnan.” We cried.

Saturday, 11 am

We’re inside Yusnan’s apartment trying to find his car title, passport, and other documents and bring home some stuff that we can. Timo had driven us there, and my youngest brother Dimas is with me too after arriving from Pensacola the night before. I opened Yusnan’s room door and immediately felt this huge wave of sadness washing over me. Everything was still there. Everything was where it’s supposed to be. Someone lives here. I can even smell him. This feels so wrong. Tears started rolling down my cheeks as I began to collect his belongings. At his bedside table I found a Bible marker laying there.. and it says, “Life is fragile, handle with prayer. Live each day with kindness and care.” And I lost it.

We drove to the towing company where his car was impounded at. “Did he survive the accident?” the gentleman behind the counter asked. He was at the scene apparently. “No, he passed away that night,” I answered. He shook his head slowly. “Damn, I’m so sorry dude.”

We were directed to the back of the building to the lot where they keep the cars. There it was, what used to be his prized civic. He loved that car so much. He took care of it. “Can we get in to get the stuff in there?” I asked the man. “You may try, but it’s going to be hard.” I could see why. It looked like someone nearly bent the card in half. All the windows were shattered. As I was taking stuff out of the glove compartment I saw Yusnan’s pair of glasses laying on the car floor. The left side glass broke. I nearly lost it again. My eyes darted on the floor and I saw a car speaker with shattered glasses on it laying on the floor.. it was my last Christmas gift to him. I picked that up too.

We managed to get most of the stuff out of the car, and Dimas was determined to find his cell phone which was amazingly still on, but nowhere in sight. He finally got it from underneath the crushed center console. 12 miss calls.

Tuesday, 4/13, JFK airport

“It’s over. It’s over.” I breathed a sigh. Relief. Barb, one of the sweetest lady I know, nodded and smiled. “You did well.” “Was it enough? Nothing is ever.” I whispered. We had just took Mega & Dimas to the airport for the trip home. I so wish I could be in that plane with them too. Yusnan’s body is in another building, waiting to be boarded another plane (I was having problems trying to get him on the same plane as Dimas & Mega) I suddenly felt so, so tired. But my job’s almost over. One last thing I have to do for Yusnan – his memorial service.

Monday, 4/26

Yesterday was Yusnan’s memorial service. I think it went pretty well. Now my job is truly over. Now the hard part. The quiet. The grieving. “Be strong,” people said. That’s got to be the advice I hate the most. I’m tired of trying to be strong. I’m not supposed to be strong. Losing a brother and a friend hurts. It hurts a lot. As I drove back from work the song I used for one of Yusnan’s video was played.. and I sobbed, again.

That night I was sitting in my room. The lights were off. My wife’s asleep, Jackson’s asleep. I couldn’t hold it anymore. I went downstairs to my basement where all of Yusnan’s stuff from his apartment were. The room even still smells like him. I picked up a pair of shoes he was wearing the night of the accident and sobbed. “Lord I believe. Help me my unbelief.”

Today

One month. That’s how long you’ve been gone. Last Sunday I played basketball and remembered us playing together. When we couldn’t score I used to just dumped the ball to the post where you were so much taller than everyone else.. and you weren’t there this time. Some days I would look at your pictures and still couldn’t believe I’ll never see those smile again on this side of eternity. Sometimes I still feel like I’ve failed mom & dad for not preventing this from happening, but I’m sure they know there’s nothing I could do. Sometimes it felt like you are just going away for a really long time. Well I guess that’s really what this is. I still miss you, brother. Mom & Dad still miss you. Mega still misses you. Dimas still misses you. Winny & Jackson still miss you. We still miss you.

I never got a chance to shoot their engagement pictures. My brother Yusnan was killed in a car accident on his way to my home last Friday. Our hearts are heavy and we miss him so, so much already. As I was picking some pictures to be used as a display at his viewing.. suddenly I realized  that what was just a trivial shoot that almost never happened now means so much more. This post is a simple tribute to his wonderful life. I encourage you to play the video clip below and read the lyrics of the song used. That’s how Yusnan lived his life. How would you live yours?

I miss you so much, brother. Goodbye, for now.

Nothing to Prove
Phillips, Craig, & Dean

You taught me how to ride a bike
Tie my shoes and fly a kite
How to swim, and how to fish
To see a star, and make a wish

Said it’s OK to make mistakes,
Just don’t get stuck in yesterday
Forgive, forget, and move ahead
Because life is what you make of it

Now you’re gone and all I have,
are memories I hold dear,
But if I’m quiet I hear your voice,
Still ringing in my ears,

Saying live with no excuses,
Love with no regrets,
Laugh a lot and leave this life
With nothing left unsaid,
Make this world a better place,
Dont be afraid to cry,
And when it’s finally time to say goodbye
Nothing to prove, nothing to lose, nothing to hide

You said life can not be measured by
The place you live, the car you drive,
The thing that counts the day you die
is who you are, and what’s inside

So tell the truth, don’t ever lie
Integrity at any price
Your words your bond, your highest prize
So guard it close, and live your life

So many things I learned from you,
bout life, and learn, and play,
But I learned more by how you lived
Then what I heard you say

Saying live with no excuses,
Love with no regrets,
Laugh a lot and leave this life
With nothing left unsaid,
Make this world a better place,
Dont be afraid to cry,
And when it’s finally time to say goodbye
Nothing to prove, nothing to lose, nothing to hide

I only want to live my life
Half as well as you
To leave behind what I receive
Is all I want to do

So I live with no excuses
And I love with no regrets
I laugh a lot and I leave this life
with nothing left unsaid
Make this world a better place,
Dont be afraid to cry,
And when it’s finally time to say goodbye
And when it’s finally time to say goodbye
And when it’s finally time to say goodbye
Nothing to prove, nothing to lose, nothing to hide